He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
where are my eyebrows?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
