And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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