Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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