just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
