I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I could fuck to npr.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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