I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
with your own penis?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
