so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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