I want to have your abortion
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize