Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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