Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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