You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
All the doctor said was why
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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