There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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