I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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