I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
