he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
