Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
