Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
