then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize