someone threw a dead crab at me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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