I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
