How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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