Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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