By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
