Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We have started to decorate penises.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
