I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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