he shaved USA in his pubs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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