Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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