The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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