It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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