I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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