i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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