This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
