You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
