Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
