someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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