Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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