He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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