just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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