This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
