TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
