as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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