i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
