Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
