ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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