Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
