My friends, they love my intelligence
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
