I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
