It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
