he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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