We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
