Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
