I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
