last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
