I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You did what with his pubic hair?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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