i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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