He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
