and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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