my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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