Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
