That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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