my sisters under your porch take her home
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
