So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
