I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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